{This Astorian Life} Xmas Integration

Xmas is supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year. This year it was a bit rough. Japh’s mother died this past September a few weeks before our wedding so our holiday plans for 2011 were basically all over the place. Also, with this being our first big holiday married that meant that we would actually be spending the entirety of the Christmas holiday weekend bouncing between our respective family’s homes.

Friday, December 23rd, 2011:  Japh and I have a tradition of having what we call “Little Xmas” on the Eve of Xmas Eve. We exchange presents and enjoy a bottle of Anchor’s Christmas Ale. This year I got some seriously fantastic swag — A vintage mink stole, An ice cream maker attachment for my stand mixer, A handmade red applique apron, A working hairdryer w/ stand from the 1950′s and a hiking trip upstate.

Woooo Ice Cream!

Japh for years has been wanting to learn how to play the upright bass. Now these things are stupid expensive. Like buying a car expensive. Due to this I decided to go the safe route and rent him one for 6-months to see if he actually takes to it and I threw in a months worth of lessons to be held in our apartment.

My Husband Lookin' Seriously Debonair

Saturday, December 24th, 2011: My family celebrates on Xmas Eve. We have a tradition of eating pizza, then opening presents and then listening to some David Sedaris. It’s pretty much the most amazing family night ever. This is the first year that a non-blood family member was privy to these events. Japh has participated in two of our Thanksgivings so I briefed him that our Xmas Eve celebration would for the most part be the same — except that there are loads of prezzies and instead of a traditional dinner, we have pizza. The boozing and eating for hours remains the same, as does the playing video games with my Dad. I think Japh liked it. A lot. Also, my parents got Japh and I a telly!

Woooo Flat Screen Telly for us!

So, in review — Friday the 23rd we have an awesome “Little Xmas” together. Saturday the 24th was the Xmas Eve Extravaganza in which we drove 70 miles to my folks place. Late Xmas Eve we drove the 70 miles back to our home in Astoria so that we could sleep for four hours before we got up and hauled ourselves to Japh’s Dad’s home to make sure we are there for their Christmas morning celebration.

Sunday, December 25th, 2011: Japh’s Family Christmas — oh man was this rough. The house was quiet when we arrived. A feeling of anxiety and unease wafted through all of the rooms. I don’t mean to sound over dramatic but god damn the tension was thick. I cannot begin to understand how hard it is for them to push through and participate in a holiday in which their mother was the driving force. After a few hours we open prezzies and overall it went alright. Not nearly as cheerful as our previous two sessions of giving and receiving.  Japh had the idea of fixing up an old vintage frame that his sister Sarah had found in our neighborhood a few months back. He fitted it with a photo of him, his sisters and father from the wedding. While it was sad, it seemed to go over well.

Early that afternoon we drive about 100 miles to Japh’s uncles home for Christmas dinner. That was a little strange. Not bad, just odd because we don’t really know that part of the family all that well. After gorging ourselves on the amazing food we drive 75 miles back to our home. OMG – So much driving.

I’m not sure that I can handle this much integration of Christmas next year. While nothing incredibly drama filled happened, it was just a bit too much traveling. It’s hard because I’m so close with my family that adding a new addition of family members that come complete with their own ideas of Christmas and traditions is a weird notion. You know how women are supposed to take on their husband’s family as their new family? Yea, that’s not exactly how I was raised. The selfish part of me is like “My Family! My family! MY family!” but I know that’s not fair.

I’m working on understanding the nuances of gaining new family members. And understanding that now that I have sister in-laws as opposed to them just being my boyfriend’s sisters that more responsibility and communication is now required. Maybe it’s just me being selfish but I’m pretty sure that my family is not nearly as much work. My folks do their own thing and require very little from me or Japh. My kid brother lives in West Virginia, so actual interaction is pretty minimal. I’m not entirely sure how to be a good sister / daughter in-law but I’m trying to figure it out.

{This Astorian Life} Out of Circulation

To say that I haven’t posted in a while would be an understatement. Much has occurred since my last musing. The most exciting of which, I guess would be that I got married Yup, we finally did it and I have to say that it was fabulous. Not just the whole getting married to the most amazingly perfect man (for me) but rather, the wedding itself. I don’t care if this  makes me sound like a pretentious elitist snob — Our wedding was the shit.

We decided early on that the wedding would be very DIY. We did this for two reasons — 1) If you & your partner are crafty then this is a very inexpensive wedding path to choose. 2) Japh and I are down to the core DIY’ers and are kinda control freaks and didn’t really trust people (vendors) to be able to pull off exactly what we envisions. Ok, ok…truth be told it was more about saving money. Our total wedding budget was $15k and $12k basically went to our venue. If you are playing along at home, that only left us $3k to take care of all of the details.

Oh. My. Goodness. So many details. There’s my dress, his suit, the bouquets, the centerpieces, the guest gifts, the escort cards, the save the dates, the invitations, the music, the officiant, the photographers, the venue, the food, the bridesmaids dresses, the boutineers, the first dance song, etc. It just goes on and on and on. Most of these things come with a price tag, and a hefty one at that if you aren’t careful. With approximately $3k we pulled off the following:

Centerpieces were a combo of tree branches, inexpensive copper(esque) French flower buckets, book page flowers, twine, ribbon, old books picked up at garage sales, already owned vintage mason jars, candles and Japh’s mother’s lace doilies that she had collected. Total approximate cost $105.00 (about $13.00 each).

Holy mother of Christ are flowers expensive. Outside of the price (which, of course was a huge factor), we decided early on that the bouquets would be paper. After making countless book page flowers and attempting to put them together as a bouquet, we noticed that something was definitely missing. W e had a fair amount of burlap ribbon left over from the centerpieces and after a peruse on the internet I came across a moderately simple tutorial for burlap roses. Total approximate cost for my bouquet $4.00. Yes, that’s correct — Four DOLLARS!

I had three bridesmaids, and we created a toned down version of my bouquet for them (because as Japh pointed out — mine should be the most awesome). Total approximate cost for three bridesmaids bouquets $6.00.

This seems to be the best shot of the boutineers. I have to credit Japh on this one. I came home one day from work and he had designed and made all of them. Total approximate cost for six boutineers $2.00 .

I waited for what some would say was a long time before I purchased my wedding dress. I bought it EIGHT months prior to the wedding but most people that I encountered were appalled shortly after we announced that I hadn’t even put much thought into my dress. Those people are dum dums. It’s a god damn dress. Yes, sure it’s important but there was no way that I was going to let that rule my world until I found one. I knew that I didn’t want to look like a layer cake. No judgement if that’s what you want — ok, that’s a lie. I just knew that for me, as a 30 year old grown ass woman that I wasn’t going to squeeze this size 12 body into a mess of ruffles, tulle and beads. Enter Kimera Designs. I discovered this gem of a dress shop on Yelp and am eternally grateful because of it. Yvvone, the shop owner and designer custom made me the most affordable yet elegantly simple dress. Total cost of th edress $ 620.00. Crystal hair comb, Free (already owned). Shoes (not pictured) $35.00 gold Chinese Laundry ballet flats. Earrings, Free (a gift from my Aunt who owns an accessories shop in Midtown Manhattan). Under garments, technically $80.00 but I never ended up wearing them because that stuff makes it hard to breathe. Total approximate cost of outfit (including undergarments even though they weren’t worn) $735.00.

For our guestbook we used a typewriter from the 1930′s (borrowed from the Best Man because we didn’t have time to get ours oiled and serviced). Total cost $8.00 (for new ink ribbon).

Japh & I hadn’t really even considered escort cards until a week before the wedding. I feel as if these are the kind of things that only kinda matter. We didn’t want to spend much on something that would for the most part be thrown away, so we utilized our library card RSVP template and put together some make shift escort cards. Total approximate cost $2.00 (paper was leftover from our invites)

Japh’s suit was a bit of a stresser. We purchased a gorgeous one pretty early on in the planning stages for about $150.00. As we got dramatically closer to the wedding the suit didn’t fit all that well. We had bought it about a size too small off Ebay thinking that Japh would most likely loose a bit of weight. Never, ever, ever do that. So two weeks before the wedding we scrambled but luckily found this amazing 3-piece corduroy vintage dead stock suit on Ebay for $170.00. Shoes, Free (already owned). Tie, Free (was a lovely extra from the seller of the second suit). Shirt, $25.00. Total cost of outfit (including previously purchased suit) $345.00.

Hair and make-up. This is something that I hadn’t even considered until my mother gave me a heart attack about it when she found out that I hadn’t hired someone. It was two weeks before the wedding and there I am scrambling across Yelp when I find Margie. After some negotiations we find common ground and overall I was pretty pleased with the results. Total cost $325.00 (including trial dry run in which I’m quite certain she thought I was a crazy person because I kept asking her to stop putting so much god damn make-up on me).

Now we are at $1.532.00 with $1,468.00 left in our budget. Here is a breakdown of some of the remaining items:

• Photographers: $600.00 (including tip)
• Rings: $43.00 (mine was free, it was my mother’s, Japh purchased a titanium band on Etsy)
• Save the Dates: $12.00 (for postage. Japh designed them & I printed them at work)
• Invites: $47.00 (for stationary & postage)
• Officiant: FREE (we paid him with veggies and herbs from our roof garden)

At this point we were left with $766.00 for misc emergency stuff, taxis, bridal party gifts, etc. Suffice to say, we stayed under budget.

I’m seriously a lucky gal. We had the most wonderful wedding and our guests were amazing. While I am a married lady now I don’t feel all that different. Perhaps time will change that but I kinda hope that it doesn’t. In any case — Cheers to not breaking the bank and still getting exactly what you want!

{This Astorian Life} Moving Forward

On September 24th, 2011, my to-be mother in-law died. I had only known her for just under 2-years. Her name was Helen. She was wonderful, caring, sharp as a tac, nosy, tall, full of light, opinionated and sweet. She loved her family above all else. I had already taken to calling her “mom”. She would have been an awesome mother in-law. Sure there would have been times of aggravation but I would have loved her so very much. She was slender and had a long nose and when I first met her she had the most gorgeous long grey hair. She died of breast cancer.

I got the opportunity to become close to her because of the cancer. She was diagnosed shortly after Japheth and I started dating. Japheth moved home and in the beginning I would visit monthly. Staying entire weekends in their home in Northern New Jersey. At first it was a little strange for me but as time grew on I started to fall in love with not only Japheth but his family. His silent brooding father who is one of the softest, kindest men that I have ever met. His middle sister who in so many ways reminds me of myself, but in a lot of ways is oh so different and more hopeful than I am. His youngest sister, who is full of wonder and has an oddly appealing adult view of the world at the age of eighteen. And lastly, Helen — she was the glue that held the family together.

The last month of her life was the hardest, which I guess is not exactly a shock. I remember our last conversation — it was two weeks before she died. I have a cheap black knit Old Navy dress that she told me looked lovely on me and then we spoke about our garden and what Japh and I plan to plant in the fall. Helen was so full of knowledge. It was almost unsettling how much she knew about such a broad range of topics.

I miss her so much. About 2-months before she died she told me that she was happy that Japheth and I were getting married and that she knew that she would never have to worry about him. At the time I was touched, but dismissed it — eagerly thinking that she would get stronger and that she would still have plenty of time to worry about him. Now, it makes me really proud to know that she thought that about us and our relationship.

Slightly off topic but still important — I received an email from an old friend a few days ago. She had found out about Helen’s death and sent her sympathies. This person was my best friend for over a decade. We had a terrible falling out 3-years ago. At first I was thrown off when I saw her email address in my inbox, and then after reading her message I was unequal parts sad about the ending of our friendship and comforted by her words. I had sent a similar note to another old friend earlier this year when I had learned that her father had died.  That was email was not received well. This other friend, perhaps in her grief or her straight up anger towards me decided to blog about her distaste for my message as opposed to realize that what I was trying to do was be a human being. As Vonnegut would say “So it goes…” — I had no intention of attempting a rekindling of that friendship and had actually started typing such in that email but then deleted because I found it to sound harsh and unnecessary. After she had snubbed me the bitch in me wanted to wish her the worst, but honestly it’s just not in me anymore to feel that way. I’ve grown older, more forgiving — though outside of anything really terrible happening in her life, I cannot say that I give a damn.

Moving along, this old friend that had messaged me; we are meeting for a drink this afternoon. It’s weird because I’m a little nervous. Helen and I had spoken of her a few times and she had advised me to reach out to this friend. To mend fences. That if we were such excellent friends then we should be again. Helen was definitely more thoughtful and forgiving than I am. I’m also incredibly stubborn. This is something that will probably never change but Helen’s lasting impression on me is to be a better person and to follow what I think is right. Maybe this old friend and I will not be able to have a friendship after what happened but I am going to at the very least try.

 

{Life} It’s Supposed to Move on…

So my last few posts have been pretty depressing. To the 5 of you that actually read this blog — my bad for being such a downer. It’s been a rough few months. Planning a wedding with a terminally ill to be mother in law is really not very fun. Because this is supposed to be a happy time and I just feel so damn selfish. Last weekend Japh and I went together for a visit to his family’s home. It was the first time that I had been there in a few weeks. The time between my visit previous to this and last weekend is when shit really started to go downhill for her.

For months (since May) I’ve been consumed with anger, guilt, spite, sadness. It vacillates day to day. Sometimes I don’t think of it at all. This is usually when I’m working and too busy to think about anything else. Sometimes it’s all I think about. This is usually worst when I’m driving to  or from work. When I’m on autopilot and my mind can wander. I keep thinking that this is so fucking unfair. Why now? Why ever? Why before her first child gets married? Why before I get married? I waited so long to do this and now…this? What the fuck?

So yea, I’ve been a shit about the situation. Spending far too much time thinking about how this is affecting a stupid party. I’ve considered hard about cancelling but Japh’s family is insistent that we move forward. So we are. I’m not 100% sure I’m happy about this decision. Not because I don’t want to marry Japh but because I’m just waiting for it all to come crashing down. And there is nothing I can do about it.

I think that I’m most sad that I will never really get the chance to know my mother in law. Never get to hear all the great stories and words of wisdom that she is filled with. Never get to ask her advice on how to deal with a child going through their terrible twos. Never get to learn what it is about her that makes her light up a room. Never get to be angry with her. Never get to love her like I know that I would.

I hear from people all of the time how they don’t have good relationships with their in-laws. but I’m so very lucky. Japh’s family is wonderful, and welcoming, and warm, and kind. And they’re all so sad right now. And there is nothing I can do to make it better.

{Life} It Has A Funny Way of Sneaking Up On You

I’ve always carried a lot of anger. I honestly don’t know what to do with it, nor do I know how to handle it. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. The funny thing is that lately it has decided that instead of just being pent-up anger it wants to attack my body. I’ve been privy to a lot of illnesses as of late. Both of my wrists decided to swell up last week making me almost incapable of doing anything. Japh had to prop me up in bed so I could get out of it (instead of rolling out like an invalid). Of course I really didn’t do anything to make it actually better (though, I did go to a walk in clinic which proved to be not helpful at all). For the past few days I’ve had a terrible toothache (no, I haven’t gone to the dentist for two reasons — 1) It’s expensy and all monies have been allocated to wedding efforts. 2) I wore braces for 6 years, have had 8 teeth pulled and had to wear head gear as a kid. Obviously for me, the dentist is the devil).  Sometimes my knees hurt for no reason as all and I get headaches daily (which is a new thing).

Everything makes me angry — Planning a wedding, having a terminally ill to be mother in law, having a mother who is necrotic as I am, not hitting sales quotas at work, our third roommate, the electric bill, dealing with my to be husband’s internal grief about his mother that he doesn’t actually deal with, giving a damn about what everyone thinks, trying to look like I have it all under control because god forbid anyone knows that I’m quickly losing my mind, the garden and making sure the plants don’t die, to be sister in laws that may or may not hate me,  driving to work — the list goes on. They all make me so god damn angry and I just don’t know how to make any of these things easier or better.

I Am My Mother’s Daughter

Filed under things I did today — cried. Let’s be perfectly clear, I don’t do that very often. There are about a handful of times that this has occurred over the past 36 months, and given the fact that despite how I act — I do have female bits and parts. When it’s “that time of the month”sometimes I act “irrational” (yea, I said it) but rarely do I full on cry.  It’s been a stressful couple of weeks and things have…well…come to a crescendo. The catalyst of which brings us to today — my mother called. She called about some small issue that she was having with her scanner which I could not troubleshoot for her while not physically being there to see what ever the hell it was that she was doing. I brought up the wedding because honestly, I feel like outside of work and the garden (more about that in a future post that I may or may not ever write) it’s all I ever fucking think about. Though, I brought up the wedding for a good reason; it seems that a fair amount of my father’s family will be coming to the wedding (which, is damn amazing and I’m stupid happy about this. Seriously, I am beyond happy) but that puts a bit of a strain on my to-be inlaws who have nicely offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner (we’re talking about basically adding 12 more people and that’s not really fair). Mom gets flustered. I get defensive because I feel like I’m doing this all on my own. She snaps. I snap back. Flash forward to her hanging up on me. Cut to me in my office THIS close to throwing my phone against a wall. She calls back 10 minutes later. I let it go to voicemail. I’m at work and cannot deal with her apology at the moment. Or I’m being spiteful…Ahem…I was being spiteful.

I text Japh and take my frustrations out on him (which obviously isn’t right). I go on with the rest of my workday. I go home. My father calls. He wants to patch things up. Tells me my mother is sorry. I get frustrated and tell him that this isn’t about her. Why does she always have to be the martyr? (Backstory – my mother is an awesome woman and the absolute strongest one that I will ever know. Despite what I detail about her short comings, I’m just like her. I am my mothers daughter in every sense of the word and that’s why she angers me so much. She’s always the martyr and so am I, or at least in my head I am. The wedding is putting a lot of stress on her as well. Extended family that she has to host. Expenses on hotels, etc.). In any event, per usual — my father calms me down and gets me laughing. I ask to talk to mom because now I feel bad — cue waterworks.

It just poured out on me. I said sorry. She said sorry. I love you. I love you too. You know, all that good stuff. My mother worries about me because she doesn’t understand how I’m handling the task of running a wedding that Japh and I are funding ourselves. She’s sorry that she can’t pay for it, and I’m sorry that she’s sorry about that because parents shouldn’t have to feel bad about not supporting their 30 year old child. She wishes that she could make it easier on me and told me that if her and dad had made better choices that maybe  I wouldn’t have to do things this way. Now I’m beyond sad because she’s sad. I’m a mess.

I will forgo the rest of the blubbering but we did end it on a high note and that’s all that really matters because family over anything is the most important thing in life.

 

I’m a Pain in the Ass – (Among Other Things)

It’s been an interesting week for me. One that has been riddled with debates on the existence of racism, classism and bigotry. I have very strong opinions regarding these topics and admit that generally the first two things go hand in hand. Earlier this week, while having lunch with co-workers the topic of racism / segregation arose (how it did, I cannot recall). My boss who as a whole is nice enough, is a middle-aged, white male who lives a lifestyle that is what most would categorize as the “upper-crust” of wealth. I will lay this disclaimer — I want to live a life that affords me the opportunities that my boss has. I may have social liberal outlooks but am in no way am I above the concept of gaining upward mobility by way of money.  Moving along — My boss, Tom* adamantly argued that “racism is a thing of the past” and that where he lives (Note: Tom lives in an affluent predominantly white neighborhood on long island) it is a “melting pot”. I argued that “if 90% of the families in your neighborhood are white, then you cannot factually state that your neighborhood is a melting pot”. Tom countered this with

My step-daughter dated a black guy

Well, there you have it! You just used the “I have a black/asian/latino friend” to affirm that you’re not a racist. Good job.

For those of you who may not know, I am of mixed decent. My mother is South Korean and my father is a Euro-mutt. They married in 1980. I was born in 1981, in Washington. We lived in the Mid-West for many of my younger years. At the age of nine (one year after my brother was born), we moved to New York City, a self-proclaimed “melting pot”. I assimilated myself with white kids because the asian children wanted very little to do with me. Also, I looked more latina than asian or white. No one looked like me. There was no one to identify with. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful childhood and although my teen life was stricken with a rebellious nature, littered with drugs and alcohol I have, at the age of 30 emerged a moderately upstanding, tax-paying citizen that makes an upper-middle class salary (though, I must admit that I do not live a lifestyle as one — I live with 3 other people. One of which is my fiance, but living below ones means sometimes means that money is stacking up in the bank and that is something that I certainly can get behind).

My point is, is that I understand racism and segregation. I’ve seen it dealt out to my parents. I’ve felt it against myself. And yes, it still fucking exists. Sure most of the dinosaur generation that believes people shouldn’t mix are dying off and sure things are better than they used to be, but I just don’t see this trend of judging people by what they look like going away — ever. It’s inherently in our nature to make such judgments.

The next debate that I encountered was this morning via Facebook. My kid brother is a brilliant fella. He is also in a lot of ways very different from myself, and while we have many different opinions, I like to think that there is a mutual respect for the other’s intellect. Kid brother posted a link to a very funny site (please read the content of the link for the rest of the post won’t make much sense if you do not). I am a fan of David Throne’s writing. I find him witty and while crude at times, he makes me laugh aloud. In any case, this link started a thread that vacillated from agreement to disgust. The disgust was primary targeted to the writer. A snippit of the statements that I took issue with:

Woah, a classic example of someone countering an unsavory comment (be it racist, sexist, transphobic or in this case homophobic) with “stupid hillbilly” come backs once they find out the person making the comments is from WV. Sure, the homophobic comments left a bad taste in my mouth, as they always do. But David Thorne’s ill conceived stereotype about WV are just as disgusting. He should be called out and told to shut his bourgeois cosmopolitan trap.

My brother’s response to the above statement (made by a woman who I do not know):

Definitely agree with you there. The whole exchange is simultaneously hilarious and disturbing.

Her response:

Especially disturbing. This kind of screwed up language about Appalachians is what allows so many awful things to happen down here- Americans think Appalachians don’t matter. The cosmopolitan liberals of this country need to be called out more consistently for what I’ll call anti-hillbilly sentiment. bell hooks, who is from east ky, writes about this beautifully in her book “Belonging: A Culture of Place.”

A friend of my brother countered with:

That website is always good for a laugh. As the authors are master trolls, they are excellent at responding to idiots with poor communication skills. Part of proper trolling behavior is knowing how to use stereotypes against someone. Not that I am condoning the portrayal of WV, but the point was to make the guy look like a fool, and that was indeed accomplished.

The woman shot back with:

Sure, David Thorne certainly did what he set out to do well. I just don’t know if I think that what he set out to do in the first place is valuable. In fact, because of his social capital, and because people enjoy his brand of humor, I think it is actually damaging. It validates people forming opinions bout Appalachia that are downright f’ed up.

There were about 17 comments (including the above) on this thread when I read it this morning. I will say that I am a confrontational person. I always have been. I’ve noticed that as I have gotten older this affliction has manifested itself into a growing distaste for unabashed counter arguments against the upwardly mobile. Whereas, typically young individuals cry “bourgeoisie” as a validated statement against someone. I find this to be anti-productive in their mission (well, mission is perhaps a little too strong of a word) against capitalism. I found myself aggravated by this individuals comments, which in a sense upsets me because I don’t know her nor should I give a damn what she thinks, but I could not help but comment:

Stereotypes lay in a pool of half truths. Yet, one must admit there is *some* truth to them otherwise people wouldn’t easily recognize the dark humor that it basks in. While the term “redneck” is not applied in this situation in it’s original definition, it is an oft used slang term that embodies what David encountered — an ignorant bigot. Countering with David should shut his “bourgeois cosmopolitan trap” is an equally offensive slight. Debating whether David’s comments are “valuable” is neither here nor there. His site is not news worthy, it’s satire.

Should I have let it go and walked away? Probably, but like I said — I’m a bull headed pain in the ass and sometimes I just cannot help myself. I immediately judged her for her comments. In my head she is a privileged know it all white girl who (based what I noticed on her Facebook page) is a granola crunchy hippie who is just as ignorant as the statements that she makes. Is she? Who knows, I sure as hell don’t but judgment was placed upon first sight and you know what? That’s pretty god damn natural.

Per Usual, It’s Been Awhile…

I’ve let another 6ish weeks go by without updating. The top 5 things that have occurred:

1. Almost quit my job (again)
2. I turned 30 (Wooo Presents! Also, I guess this means I’ve officially entered my “Dirty 30′s” <— Oh how I love you Tina Fey)
3. I started blogging under my real name — that would be Michelle, but I don’t think I officially announced it, so…here it is, the name’s Michelle and Grant’s* is Japheth.
4. We finally scheduled our engagement photo shoot (now, I know you are rolling your eyes, trust me I did too when I heard of this concept but it’s included in our super duper cheap wedding photo package so stop judging me)
5. The Budget Savvy Bride had a thing where they were looking for new guest bloggers. I’ve read Jessica’s site on and off since the engagement and even though I thought that perhaps my tongue may be a bit too sharp for her site, I was chosen. So, I guess that’s pretty cool.

From now until the wedding I’m obliged to submit one post a week. That means I won’t be updating here in full length but rather I’ll linky it because of course you have nothing better to do than read about my wedding. I like to think that my four or so dedicated readers would be interested in such things.

Week 1 BSB Post:  “Meet Michelle”

{Doin It Ourselves Wedding} Parents Meeting Parents

It’s 230 in the morning and I can’t sleep. This probably has something to do with the fact that at 8p my body told me that it could take no more stress and forced slumber upon me. Now I’m no stranger to stress but today was a particularly rough one. Now, not rough in the sense that it was a bad day, because by no means was it bad — just very long and pretty damn draining. Unless this is your first time visiting my small space that I have carved out here on the interwebs (if so — ‘Hello’) you know that this November Grant* and I are getting hitched. During the past year and a half of our courtship we have hit most of the family milestones — meeting his parents, him meeting my parents, Thanksgiving at my folks, Christmas dinner with his family, taking his younger sisters out for an evening, etc. — and yesterday (Sunday) we engaged in the parents meeting parents tradition.

I’ve been stressing about this all week. Not because I was actually worried about how these two sets of wonderful people would interact (well maybe a little worried), but because everything is oppressively draining at the moment. Workload has doubled, funding the wedding is mildly frightening, our car needs some major maintenance, temporarily living with an extra person, my kid brother is having a crisis but he’s in West Virginia and not being able to be there for him makes me feel helpless. Crap, I sound like a pathetic ninny who is using this post to throw herself a pity party. Alright, enough, moving along — Life, while overall good is a little rocky and throwing parents into the mix just didn’t help.

{Doin’ It Ourselves Wedding} Engagement Dinner Recipe Roundup and Recap

About 2 weeks back I posted about our engagement dinner party plans. At that point I had hammered out the menu and at the end promised recipes and photos of the shenanigans. I’m a lady of my word, let’s start with the main course. Now, I love most everything that is pork — it’s salty, it’s delicious and when cooked properly it’s tender, moist and pairs well with many different sides. Unfortunately, not all people share my love for this tasty meat. Due to this we had two entrees:

Whiskey Brown Sugar Glazed Ham

A simple Google or Bing search will prompt many options for this simple glaze, but after a few years of testing/tasting I find that the following ingredients make for a nice combination:

• Butter
• Whiskey
• Brown Sugar
• Pineapple
• Cloves

Don’t ask me what quantity I used for each because frankly, I have no idea. I’m not a chef or a recipe developer. I just add as I go and taste. It’s been working out pretty swell for me thus far. In any case, I rubbed the above concoction onto the ham and baked that thing to perfection.

Mmmmm…Pork

My second main course option was: