My So Called Dating Life – Profile Photo Clichés November 4, 2009

I’ve been avoiding blogging properly the past two weeks. Chiefly because a fella did something to really piss me off. I’m not going to go into details, but lets just say it was douche-y (and no one likes it when someone pulls a d-bag maneuver. Especially when they try to edge their way back in by pretending that they didn’t just pull one). Moving on…

So yea, back to the dating playground for me. At the recommendation of many, I decided to throw my ballot into the OKCupid box. Honestly, it’s been a real interesting trip thus far. I dig the interface and there are lots of cool features and it’s free (who doesn’t like free?). Now, some of you know about my experiences with Match.com (specifically, my disdain for it–it’s like Match.com is where the desperate go to die), but OKC is a little different–it’s where the youngish (24 to 40ish), slightly jaded (or in my case, seriously jaded) dating crowd hangs out–so I feel like I’m in pretty good company.

Profile Photos–they are important, because let’s all be honest, we’re all a bit pickier when it comes to chosing a date from the comfort of our own home while wearing PJ pants and a t-shirt that you wouldn’t be caught dead in on the street. In real life, we aren’t that choosy, but on the net if there isn’t attraction straight away, you move onto to the next profile. It’s as if our dating standards raise a notch or two, and I’m completely fascinated by this concept. Basically, it seems that it all comes down to biology the first go around, and then to what I like to call “banter-chemistry” (otherwise known as electronic correspondence compatibility).

Back to my point–dating profile photos and what they say about you–I’ve noticed a trend among men; many of them tend to have the same 4 snaps sprinkled in the mix and they are as follows:

Exhibit A – Kids

I don’t care if you’re an uncle. Photos of children instantly make my ovaries shrink. Perhaps you are trying to convey that you are loving and warm and all that jazz, but really it just kind of freaks me out.

Exhibit B – Travel shots

I get it – you’ve been places. Yes, you are quite worldly.

Exhibit C – Animals (specifically cats)

Sure, they’re adorable but c’mon, a shot of you and your cat just gives me the notion that you are a pansy. (Note: I’m a dog person through and through and just cannot get behind the love for cats. At some point my life I got it in my head that men who own cats are weak–I don’t know why and I don’t know how but I just do–is it unfair of me to judge? Sure. Do I care? Not in the slightest)

Exhibit D – Other women

This is one thing that is a bit of a phenom to me–why would you post photos of yourself with chicks? Should I compare my hotness to hers as a standard? This, I will never understand, perhaps someone can shed some light on this for me?

In closing, leave out the kids (unless of course, you actually have kids and if that’s the case, please please please do not message me), the cats, the random shot of you taken at the top of some temple in Central America–you can tell me all these wonderfully awesome (less the cat) things during electronic banter, or even better–in real-time.

Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest October 29, 2009

I’m a little late with posting this (my b).

In any event 2ChicksINC has a contest / promotion going on in conjunction with OKCupid and SurveyGizmo. It runs until November 30th, 2009 and is pretty neat. Clicky the linky to the left to vote (you can do so without joining, but if you are interested in online dating I have to admit that OKC is pretty sweet and totally free).

In other news, I’ve entered myself into the contest (and no, I am not going to post my profile here, BUT if you come across a profile that you think is mine, email me your guess at SarcasmIsMyNativeTongue@Gmail.com and I’ll think of something quirky to send you if you get it right. Also, there are quite of few of you who would be able to identify my profile on sight–you are excluded

Official Details:

New York, NY (October 20, 2009) – 2ChicksINC, announces Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest together with OKCupid and SurveyGizmo.

Starting today, members of OkCupid will have the opportunity to enter the Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest. This contest is intended to show off the smart, attractive, diverse and very dateable people who are currently using OkCupid.

OkCupid has emerged as one of the online dating industry’s most exciting and innovative sites with 3.5 million users and growing rapidly.  Contest promoters of the Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest will be using the power of social media to generate buzz to promote the contest and showcase many of the site’s users.

The Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest is free, and open to all OkCupid members.  Non-members will have the opportunity to vote both on OkCupid or through one of a dozen blogs* that are working with OkCupid to showcase the contest.

The contest runs from October 20, 2009, to November 30, 2009.  Winners will be announced on December 2, 2009.  All contest participants will be automatically enrolled in a sweepstakes for $250 cash.

*Blogs currently publicizing the contest

Sex, Lies and Dating in the City

Lostplum

Suddenly Singles

Midtown Girl

Single Gal in the City

Rantings of a Single Girl

20-forty.com

KB in NYC

Single City Guy

Your Dating Tales

You Make My Date

Not Your Mother’s Playground

Dating and Mating in America

Love in the Dumps

My So Called Dating Life – So It Goes October 23, 2009

I’ve always been a fan of two sayings:

So it goes. -K. Vonnegut, Jr.

and

Two tears in a bucket, mother fuck it. -The Lady Chablis, “Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil”

As some of you may know, I have been dating a fella named Kyle* for the past few weeks. I’ve been blogging about him sparingly for a number of reasons. Chiefly because I have been diggin’ on him something fierce. Come to think of it, maybe too fierce.

Let’s rewind a bit so that I can recap a few things that I left out when I did write about him:

• Kyle is not a NYC native, but rather a transplant
• His hometown is approximately 7 hours away from NYC
• He’s been wanting to go back to his hometown for a few years now
• He put in for a job transfer about 3 months ago (one of many requests that have never come to fruition) for a position in his hometown

I found out about this possible job transfer on our second date–which was pretty awkward. How does one react to such a thing so early on in the game? Well, I’ll tell you–I got quiet, and he asked me what I was thinking, and I told him that I was:

Fighting every urge to tell you that I had a wonderful time, and that it’s been fun, and that until you know more, I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other in this capacity.

Kyle nodded and told me that he would completely understand. Then we just sorta–sat there, not looking at each other (talk about a date killer). When we finally caught eyes, he smiled at me (I’m such a sucker for a good smile), and I couldn’t resist smiling back. We laughed at how silly and dramatic we both were being and agreed that we really enjoyed each others company. In the end we left it that we would continue seeing one another and whatever happens–happens.

Now fast forward a bit–we went on 3 more seriously awesome dates (I mean like totally mega fantastic went off without a hitch dates). Then I get a text from him this evening (Tuesday). The text asked if I was awake and I replied that I was. Almost immediately Kyle calls me. We engage in about of minute of small talk and then he says, quite sullenly

I got some good news

I knew immediately what he was referring to. The job transfer was approved this time. (Sidebar: This all occurred as I stated above this past Tuesday evening, and consequently, is when I am typing this all up. My reasoning for holding off on posting this is because I was the first person he called to let me know the good / bad news, and our mutual friend that introduced us reads this blog. So I decided that I wouldn’t post this until  she got the news from Kyle–this at the present time is proving difficult for me because she is one of my closest female pals, and I can’t even tell her what happened. Even worse, we have plans on Thursday and Kyle hasn’t told anyone yet except me because he felt “that he owed it to me to let me know as soon as he knew, and that with the emotional connection we have it was only fair”–more about that in a moment).

We spoke for about another 30 minutes. I told him that I was happy for him, and I actually am even though I had the inkling of feelings that this could go somewhere nice–real nice, and apparently he did as well. He told me that he has mixed feelings about this because he was becoming attached to me, which in and of itself is a nice thing to hear, just not from a guy who’s moving away.

Prior to this conversation, Kyle and I had plans for this weekend and we decided to keep them. Despite it all, I want to see him, and he me, and that just dropping this completely flat isn’t something that either of us wanted to do. Perhaps it’s a stupid choice, but I’ve mad worse (way worse), and spending some time with someone who makes me feel good can’t be all that bad, even if it’s just for a short amount of time.

My So Called Dating Life: Old Rules and a New Beginning October 12, 2009

I have pretty set rules when it comes to dating (in this case “set” is synonymous with “insane”), and have never been much of a “go with the flow” kinda gal (even though, I do my darnedest to give off that vibe–which is part of my “routine”). Typically, I don’t have problems meeting men, and I never really want for company. It’s keeping a fella that is my problem.

I’ve been on / off single for almost three years now. My last proper relationship lasted for the first five years of my twenties. Since then I have taken the time to sow some oats (so to speak), and enjoy the single life. I’m kind of getting tired of it (translation: I am seriously tired of it). Three years of failed attempts is wearing on me a bit, and this has lead me to reevaluate my approach (craziness) to dating, and my theories on the opposite gender.

Original Rules

1.  Always pay for the first date.

Reason For Rule:

Because I never want to feel beholden to anyone (especially a stranger). Also, I have this thing about the internal power struggle with dating and being the competitive person that I am, I like to have the upper hand.

Why This Is A Bad Rule:

Honestly, I’m still not completely convinced that this is a “bad” rule but apparently, I should let a man pay for me because that means that he is interested enough to spend money on me and when I take that away from him, in his eyes I become less important (I don’t know about that but…ok).

2. Never be the first to send out the “I had a really great time” text message.

Reason For Rule:

Because I like to feel wanted.

Why This Is A Bad Rule:

Because If I had a good time, most likely he did as well. There’s nothing wrong with a short text stating such and it doesn’t mean that there is a shift in the balance of power (right?).

3. Make sure he doesn’t think I’m looking for a relationship.

Reason For Rule:

Because I don’t want to scare him away.

Why This Is A Bad Rule:

Lying to myself and others is stupid–full stop.

4. Make sure to create a false sense of “busy”.

Reason For This Rule:

Because being available all the time makes it seem as if I do not have a life of my own.

Why This Is A Bad Rule:

Because besides work, I’m really not all that busy. Sure I make plans with friends, and I like to lay around in my PJs after work watching episode after episode of Fringe but for fucks sake, I much rather be out with a fella that I’m diggin’ on.

5. Act like it’s perfectly normal for him to treat me like “one of the guys”.

Reason For Rule:

Because…isn’t that what guys are looking for?

Why This Is A Bad Rule:

Because if a fella wanted to hang out with one of the guys, he would just hang out with men (this bit of wisdom came to me via Lan aka Angry_Asian on a post I did about Tomboys. She is a wise wise lady).

New Rule: No More Rules